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a day where I went to work early for overtime
because we’re understaffed like everywhere
and I need more money for a higher quality of life
like everyone
where I ordered myself salad and tomato bread
because food is my first thought and my last
because I got money as gifts
the best gift
when I sang the phrase “everything is fucked” to the tune of America the Beautiful
Because everything is
when I fucked up at work
picking the worst time to do a mandatory training and everything was breaking
because it usually does
where I started filling out divorce paperwork and wrote down the question
“use middle names on forms?”
when I felt guilty for leaving my cat for so long
when I felt guilty for not praising coworkers for Halloween decorations
when I felt guilty for not answering everyone in a timely manner
where I sat down on my bed to go through all the notifications on my phone
when I leaned over off the bed to stare at the floor with my cat and my flashlight
because she looked like she was looking at a bug
she wasn’t
she got me
when I couldn’t watch Nero Wolfe DVDs because the laundry machine was too loud
my TV is too quiet
and the DVDs don’t have subtitles
when I had to do laundry because the crotches of all my work pants smelled like sweaty vulva
when I ordered my free venti Starbucks coffee with soymilk, a pump of vanilla, and cinnamon powder
and then gave the barista a $4 tip
all the cash I had
when I woke up to memories of a dream
where I was performing a spoken word song
with a pierogi in my mouth that looked like the size and shape of a diaphragm
which I’ve never seen in person
when
it still didn’t feel like home
I didn’t regret it but I regretted a lot
I was tired and sore all over
My neck feeling like dried clay
My nerves feeling like old hair ties
My codependence in high gear
as I head to the park
braless
cut leggings
a t-shirt
and a hoodie
walking under the tall trees
then running
sprinting
running mad
not fainting
chanting
“I live my life for myself”
“I live my life for myself”
“I live my life for myself”