Hyacinthian

I

One light is dimmer than the other, but it’s not the people

Beneath them, who eat potatoes and squash and beans

But of course not bacon, of course not, I’m stupid.

That machine is pumping and pumping and gurgling, whoosh, whoosh, glglglgl

It’s mostly soft as it twists through my fingers with little balls of fuzz different than the rest.

Then Whip My Hair is sung by tiny chipmunks and Bob’s Burgers is “too much”,

but he doesn’t watch him and know that he’s dying.

II

I have this dream of us embracing and crying while your husband plays with kids but

When I call I wonder if you know and I panic because if you don’t

I don’t want to tell you, I just wanted to watch a movie with my dream sister and a

Dream movie that we’d both agree on while the dream husband let’s dream you (me)

Wallow in grief.

III

The stronger stem with blues and purples and yet greens

And then the sprouts up and up to the top where it goes

Back down and around, blossom, blossom, blossom

You were crushed in the car on the way home by youth

But you’ll grow again each year in Spring and

I can still smell you

IV

“You can go. I won’t be far behind.”